Musical Terms
Adagio
Formaggio: To play in
a slow and cheesy manner.
AnDante: A musical composition that is infernally
slow.
Angus
Dei: To play with a divine,
beefy tone.
Anti-Phonal: Referring to the prohibition of cell
phones in the concert hall.
A
Patella: Unaccompanied
knee-slapping.
Appologiatura: A composition, solo, or instrument
you deeply regret playing.
Approximatura: A series of notes played by a performer, not
intended by the composer.
[I do this a lot.]
Approximento: A musical entrance that is somewhere
in the vicinity of the correct pitch.
Bar
Line: What musicians form
after a concert.
Concerto
Grossissimo: A really
bad performance.
Coral
Symphony: (See Beethoven
– Caribbean period.)
Cornetti
Trombosis Disastrous: Entanglement
of brass instruments that can occur when
musicians exit hastily
down the stage stairs.
Dill
Piccolino: A wind instrument
that plays only sour notes.
Fermantra:
A note that is held over
and over and over and.….
Fermoota: A rest of indefinite length and dubious
value.
Fog
Hornoso: A sound that
is heard when the conductor's intentions are not clear.
Frugalhorn: A sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.
Gaul
Blatter: A French Horn
player.
Good
Conductor: A person who
can give an electrifying performance.
Gregorian
Champ: Monk who can hold
a note the longest.
Kvetchendo: Gradually getting annoyingly louder.
Mallade:
A romantic song that's
pretty awful.
Molto
Bolto: Head straight for
the ending.
Opera
Buffa: Musical stage production
by nudists.
Poochini
Musical: Performance,
accompanied by a dog.
Pre-Classical
Conservatism: School of
thought which fostered the idea
"If it ain't
Baroque, don't fix it!"
Spritzicato:
Plucking of a stringed
instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually
accompanied by Sparkling
Water with Lemon. (Wine optional). ["Stop the
bubble-a machine'mm!"]
Tempo
Tantrumo: When a young
band refuses to keep time with the conductor.
Tincanabulation: The annoying or irritating sounds
made by extremely cheap bells.
Vesuvioso: A gradual buildup to a fiery conclusion.
~~~
A C,
an E-flat, and a G
go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry,
but we
don't serve minors." So, the E-flat
leaves, and the C and the G
have a
fifth between them. After a few drinks,
the fifth is diminished:
the G is flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D
comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom
saying, "Excuse
me. I'll just be a second." An A
comes into the bar, but the bartender is
not convinced that this relative of C
is not a minor. Then the bartender
notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now!
You're the seventh minor
I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat,
not easily deflated, comes back to the bar
the next night in a
3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're
looking sharp
tonight, come on in! The E-flat
takes off the suit, and stands natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's
under a
rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty
of contributing to the diminution
of a minor,
and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without
Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
On appeal, however,
the C is found innocent of accidental wrongdoing, and that all
accusations are bassless.
The bartender decides
that since he's only had tenor
so patrons, the sopran-o ut in the bathroom,
and everything has become altomuch
treble, he needs a rest
- and closes the bar.
~~~